It’s a weird world.

Sunday noon and I was making myself some cumin lamb. I thought about having a bit noise in the living room, as I always do- with Porcupine Tree or Faye from those so-so surround speakers- while I’m busy making food. But on this Sunday, could be the weather, or the load of thoughts, I started out in the kitchen, unplugged. I had enough rhythms from chopping scallions and stirring my Thai rice-noodle soup. Just like Selma and her dances. (Nothing bad happens in a musical. Got it?)As everything was on the table half an hour later, I decided to turn on the TV and just lingered with AMC channel. It was a fantasy movie that looked like Spartacus for ten minutes and then Top Gun for the next. Poor 80’s, thought I, paying no attention to the lines or scenes and concentrated only on my soup and lamb. Until, that moment, I heard Freddie Mercury from the TV speakers, crying himself out on “One Year of Love”. Now, for those who don’t know how big a fan I am of Queen’s, here’re the facts: I covered “The Show Must Go On” in “Voyage”, “Too Much Love Will Kill You” in “Senses”, and “Love of My Life” in “Heart-Guard”. And I have been buying every new release on their past concerts, remasters, etc. So you can picture how electrified I felt when that movie had this song in it, besides, I always knew the song belonged to a movie, I even vaguely remembered the poster of it. So I chewed very slowly and listened very carefully till the song came to an end. Sheeeeer heart attack!!

Dishes were cleaned and I took out my “Classic Queen” CD from the shelf and found the movie title for which I was watching. “Highlander”. And quite a few songs were written for this movie, including “A Kind of Magic” and “Who Wants to Live Forever”. But it wasn’t till I saw the director’s name of this movie that I collapsed. Russell Mulcahy. THE Russell Mulcahy??? I checked on my computer and my cell phone. Yes, the Russell Mulcahy. The Australian guy I had lunch with more than a year ago at Abbey’s. Back then I didn’t relate him to anybody I would have heard of, although his name was printed on this Queen CD booklet, a booklet I’ve had since 2002. And I had lunch with him for whatever reason that seemed sound back then. And I turned down his following invitation for a reason that always seems sound. But how could he be the one that directed “Highlander” and Queen’s videos and got “one year of love” written for his own movie?? Past and present, the glorified and the indecent, sex and sensibility, wants and wonders…Freddie died for a reason. And I should stop the babbling.

You probably think I’m being clueless. Just like I will relate Abbey’s with “One Year of Love” from now on. “You sad, sad man.”

「依戀」

六月，擦肩一年後跟我在陰天裡相識。我的心思在慢慢的梳理著，一不小心又被頭上挪來的雲給推翻。真的像齊豫所云「要不要去翻攪，什麼時候去翻攪，那是屬於智慧的範疇」。

一直以為人是要不斷構築美感才有活下去的動力。只是標準越來越模糊，越來越讓人迷亂的當下，已經很難把持滿意和被讚賞的界線，漸漸的不瞭解美感從何而來，為誰存在。從2004年春開始經營blog的我，到今天發現網上blog比校園裡的可樂瓶還多時，竟有些細微的遺憾，我的堅持，原來只是一個趨勢，一種娛樂和自瀆理念被商品化以後所附贈的小小回饋而已。

唯有一點可以慶幸的是，在光怪陸離的圖片日誌群中，我還能維繫聲音的主演模式，讓文字和圖形退到第二排的位置，而專注地，用聲音跟點擊者們交談。很像「紅」的開頭一段。

想一想，2004年春天開始了射手夢系列的網上囈語，而同年的6月我就開始用混音器和SHURE MIC錄音，兩種「升級」幾乎是同步進行。在那以前，所有的文字只存在於零星論壇和電腦硬盤，而聲音的遊戲也是粗糙跋涉之中。在那以後，射手夢境逐個登場，而第一張英文的片子「Nocturnal」也在一個夏日依稀成形。著名的藍雨衣自此不會忘記歌詞，迷離的天使眼睛也跟著我越看越遠。原來我一直在堅持的是soundlog.

這些軌跡，滄海一粟，聊勝於無。

在近似完成三張英文的翻唱，三張中文的創作，一張小玲的作品輯和兩張EP之後，我的人生也走到一個台階……這讓我擔心，焦慮，雖然探險的刺激也時時充斥在我的羽翼。於是很單純的想，至少把這些曾經鼓勵過我的自己的聲音，作一個有趣的排序，以此來證明雖然前途未知，但過去的幾年並非什麼也沒有留下。這是個近乎哀怨的求證，但多少也反映了我當下的心境。

所以！我的soundblog的聆聽者們！這是我的聲音線索！——倘若我的故事真的那麼有趣。

1.失望
2.迷路
3.我帶你回家
4.那一夜
5.改變
6.A Case of You
7.Out and Down
8.失戀起床志
9.迫不及待
10.有時看海
11.Angel Eyes
12.小白的希望
13.說話到天亮
14.聽說愛情回來過
15.愛過就是完全
16.I Remember

我沒有辦法把這十六首歌全部展開在此，很多人，跟我的交流，莫不是裡面的這首或那首，我很感激你們給我的回饋，靈感，和很多很多的時間。這張精選集到目前只用手工製作了五張，一張有主，一張自娛，三張還老老實實的站在書架上。想到時下動輒10000或2000套的限量出版搶購抬價，自己實在沒信心，但是毫無疑問這是世界上僅有的五張「首版」，或許它們的價值，會有一天脫離我的控制。

「失戀起床志」已經在網上放了好一陣了，也算是替精選集壘一點聲勢。六月九號將至，我換上剛剛寫好的另一首歌（為保網速，只放一半），基於B在很久以前寫的詞，也算是紀念我們心裡的那句話。從去年弓虹亙空的電影海報，到ANGEL專輯的製作完成，到現在幾乎是反芻而作的一首「依戀」，造物在時空裡確定了故事的延續，而我，在故事裡，永遠有捕捉旋律的衝動，無論在海裡，還是天際。

MSN空間客人：——這首歌正播放中。

Blogger客人：請至http://jqr.huming.com/SONGS/NEEDING1.mp3 賞聽。