Scene 15
This week’s almost ended. 4AM Friday morning, sober as ever, after the big shock from “Carandiru”. I eventually changed my listening from Tori Amos, who whispers every morning in my ear, you think I’m a queer, I think you’re a queer, to Chen Guanqian’s “Speechless”, an album I’ll probably never forget. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been this yearning for the CD after 2 years. Not too much of a transformation was observed, as both play the piano and sing in a casual yet poignant voice. They write songs, maybe one less frequent than the other. Oh one writes good lyrics in Chinese.
The movies have been specifically selected to guarantee a dropped jaw and spinning brain. That speaks also for “Drugstore Cowboy” and “Kids”. “Elephant” got me really into Gus Van Sant and “My Own Private Idaho” and “To Die For” certainly shows his virtuosity. But 4 movies in 3 days revolving around drugs sex and kills, that does get my head a spasmodic crash. I won’t deny their necessities in nowadays film making but when either the director or the audience takes it seriously, the result will be horrifying. And for these past few films, it seemed like both parts are taking it so D seriously. Bingo. And just think about how all the Tori Amos songs add to them. Pure poetic images blended with violence and imperfection. What a piece of work.
I reclined. I simply don’t have that much more energy to spare when the rest of the worlds are manufacturing reasons for my spasm. In the cinema my breath was heavy, outside my voice really low. They heard it and they avoided the film. But how are you going to avoid life. And yet, how am I making life better after all these screenings, be it mine or others’. The answer comes to what I’m listening to right now. Speechless. Speechless. In Chinese it’s actually “I want to say but I stopped”. It has a momentum in that word, a passion quenched, a motif suppressed. In English it tuned into a static state, a picture finished, a page printed. That makes my writing harder to read, ‘cause I have all these pictures overlapping and voices dubbing but you don’t see a motion. That’s an F excuse he said. Just because you can’t write well. Don’t blame the language. How will I know.
Chen’s voice is getting dimmer. The night is turning brighter. The movies keep haunting, and I need to learn to cope with it. Suddenly I felt…I felt…as if no words could possibly convey this heavy emotion collapsing on my shoulder. Speechless. That’s it.
The movies have been specifically selected to guarantee a dropped jaw and spinning brain. That speaks also for “Drugstore Cowboy” and “Kids”. “Elephant” got me really into Gus Van Sant and “My Own Private Idaho” and “To Die For” certainly shows his virtuosity. But 4 movies in 3 days revolving around drugs sex and kills, that does get my head a spasmodic crash. I won’t deny their necessities in nowadays film making but when either the director or the audience takes it seriously, the result will be horrifying. And for these past few films, it seemed like both parts are taking it so D seriously. Bingo. And just think about how all the Tori Amos songs add to them. Pure poetic images blended with violence and imperfection. What a piece of work.
I reclined. I simply don’t have that much more energy to spare when the rest of the worlds are manufacturing reasons for my spasm. In the cinema my breath was heavy, outside my voice really low. They heard it and they avoided the film. But how are you going to avoid life. And yet, how am I making life better after all these screenings, be it mine or others’. The answer comes to what I’m listening to right now. Speechless. Speechless. In Chinese it’s actually “I want to say but I stopped”. It has a momentum in that word, a passion quenched, a motif suppressed. In English it tuned into a static state, a picture finished, a page printed. That makes my writing harder to read, ‘cause I have all these pictures overlapping and voices dubbing but you don’t see a motion. That’s an F excuse he said. Just because you can’t write well. Don’t blame the language. How will I know.
Chen’s voice is getting dimmer. The night is turning brighter. The movies keep haunting, and I need to learn to cope with it. Suddenly I felt…I felt…as if no words could possibly convey this heavy emotion collapsing on my shoulder. Speechless. That’s it.
posted by David | 4:22 AM
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